Part of this article talks about “modelling vulnerability”. Here, I mean just sharing light, fun and short insights into something beyond the boundaries of work. The example given in the NYTimes artice, of someone sharing a significant medical diagnosis, is very much an extreme example of modelling vulerability, and not the sorts of ice-breaker that I’m encouraging here.

Back at the beginning of my career, when I was starting to run more and more meetings, I read two articles that have really shaped the way that I approach opening a meeting, especially if it’s a workshop or some other collaborative session.

The first article was What Google Learned From Its Quest to Build the Perfect Team. It’s a relatively lengthy read that covers a lot of ground (and unfortunately sits behind an only-so-many-articles-per-month-for-free paywall) but at its essence it promotes psychological safety as the bedrock of good teamwork, and the biggest takeaway (for me, as a meeting facilitator) is the conclusion that on […] good teams, members [speak] in roughly the same proportion, a phenomenon […] referred to as “equality in distribution of conversational turn-taking”. When a good team has a meeting, all the team members speak as much as they need to.

Since then, I’ve always summarised this in my head as everyone has a say, and everyone says what they think. But how can we encourage the team to share out the conversation?

The second article, which unfortunately is lost in the mists of time, was all about this challenge. Specifically, it talked about the strong correlation between getting people off mute at the start of a meeting (for any reason at all, no matter how trivial) and their willingness to speak in the meeting proper.

The idea behind this approach is simple (and, if I remember the article correctly, was backed up with “science”); when people feel comfortable speaking up at the beginning of a meeting, they’re more likely to continue contributing throughout the session. By encouraging team members to voice their thoughts early on, we can create a space where everyone feels included and valued, and won’t hold back from unclicking that mute button.

The prompt to get people talking can range from a simple check-in, asking how everyone’s day is going, to an icebreaker activity that gets the voices flowing.

Icebreakers, in particular, can be a powerful tool. Not only do they allow everyone to have their say, but they also help to foster a sense of camaraderie and shared experience. I find that the key here is to keep these activities light, fun, and short. As trivial as it may sound, a single-word answer from everyone is a remarkably powerful way to break that psychological barrier. Don’t be afraid to make it silly, and don’t feel that you have to dress it up like the answer matters when, of course, it doesn’t; so long as they say something they can say anything!

As self-centred as it may sound when written down here, if you craft an icebreaker that’s about you, then you can combine getting people off mute with modelling vulnerability, and showing the team that it’s a safe space for interpersonal risk-taking and that no one’s going to embarrass, reject or punish someone for speaking up.

There’s a balance to it; you don’t want it to be all about you, especially if it’s a recurring meeting, but it’s surprising how much of a bond gets formed over what type of dog you have, whether your ancestors were Greeks, and just how bad you are at keeping houseplants alive. You also don’t want to make it too controversial, work-related or open-ended; if anything, it’s the times when I’ve tried to make the icebreaker meaningful, those are the times where the ice-breaker has been at its least effective, with dominating voices giving lengthy, strongly opinionated answers, and what should be a short, inclusive activity has turned into something that’s crashed the meeting and alienated the majority.

It’s by no means a silver bullet, and I’m constantly refining my approach, but this practice has served me well. So, as you’re preparing your next meeting, I encourage you to give it a try - and when you’re attending your next meeting, be sure to come off mute and help balance out the conversation!